And the language we use to express ourselves just complicates everything. Because what I write and what you read, these are two different things. Everything is open to interpretations and every interpretation is a misinterpretation. Author is dead, hell yes, Roland Bart, as if it wasn't obvious. And we spend nights yelling at each other, childishly believing that if the other can't understand the content of our words, maybe the loudness of our voices will be more convincing.
With all that out of hands, I turned to dieting as the last fortress of control. I have seen plenty of shows on eating disorders. If I could, I would get some lovely anorexia. Sadly enough my willpower is not what it ought to be so I must be satisfied with a simple diet instead.
Which poses the next problem - what kind of diet?
Internet and bookstores are throwing at us sharky looking blondes with too many teeth in their mouths, sharing their stories of success; or slender doctors with graying temples and used cars salesman's smile, explaining the medical dangers of obesity and the joys of being slim and fit.
What scares me about this crowd is how religious they all sound. What should be a very simple thing - food one puts in one's mouth to fuel the body to be able to do what one pleases - is turned into an absurd cult. Some actually mention god as an ingredient in a successful diet plan. Like in 50 Top Secrets of the Fittest by Julia Havey*
"Here is what a fit person does: 43. Lives a balanced life - exercise, work, family, and GOD."
So, single unemployed atheists, don't even bother - you don't stand a chance. And as I'm part of that particular demographic group, I guess I should just drop my feeble tries, go to the kitchen and hide my godless face into some whipped cream cake. In a bible camp nine years ago I actually heard theory that people have a God-shaped emptiness in their chest, which they try to fill in with drugs, food, sex or what else they have handy, stubborn to realize that only religion can fill them up (couple of years later though I deciphered this as a clumsy misinterpretation of Aristotle).
In a way I wish it was as easy as that - to have a god to stuff into my hungry emptiness, to have a true belief in such god anyway. I bet I would shed kilos like cats shed fur in autumns. I bet that's what got Kate Moss to look the way she does. Her relentless belief in God. That and not her funny little idea, that "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Well, as believing in some abstract father figure is not really working for me, I guess I'll go with teachings of miss Moss. Maybe I should make that fabulous saying in cross stitch and hang above the head of my bed. I guess I'm off to do just that.
*To witness Mrs. Havey's preacher's skills, just follow the link:
http://www.vicebustingdiet.com/26-week-program.html and chose one of the audiofiles. They are equally amazing.
